I have had a lot of unhappiness in my life and I have not complained. I persevered through years of horrific abuse and living circumstances. I triumphed over a broken heart and defeated the odds. I got married and we are doing what a lot of people didn't believe we could. And on top of all that ( and every thing else I have omitted) my daughter was born blind. And I have my off days and my good days.
My off days consist of a lot of crying, dazed stares and frustration. I get angry at God for all my misfortunes and most of all hate Him for not saving Abby's sight. My good days consist of me telling myself over and over that God has a plan for my family and it will soon unfold. I smile and am patient that God will one day restore Abby's sight. But my good days are becoming few and fewer. When will the never ending circle of hurt, frustration and us never getting anywhere end?
I see all my brothers and sisters flourishing, in their careers, in their homes and living without the fear. Fear of never knowing if one month you'll have enough money to make rent or getting another phone call that says you're going to be evicted if your rent isn't in. I am not bitter for them I am happy for them. I rejoice for them. I am just past the point of waiting on God to help.
I fear I am losing my faith. And no matter how hard we try to do what it is He commands us too, it seems we are only holding up our end of the deal. Dear Lord, please swoop down from Your mighty Heavens and save this tired daughter of yours before I throw in the towel and try flying solo.
(sorry this was so depressing! I just figure I am entitled to a little complaining once in a great while).
My off days consist of a lot of crying, dazed stares and frustration. I get angry at God for all my misfortunes and most of all hate Him for not saving Abby's sight. My good days consist of me telling myself over and over that God has a plan for my family and it will soon unfold. I smile and am patient that God will one day restore Abby's sight. But my good days are becoming few and fewer. When will the never ending circle of hurt, frustration and us never getting anywhere end?
I see all my brothers and sisters flourishing, in their careers, in their homes and living without the fear. Fear of never knowing if one month you'll have enough money to make rent or getting another phone call that says you're going to be evicted if your rent isn't in. I am not bitter for them I am happy for them. I rejoice for them. I am just past the point of waiting on God to help.
I fear I am losing my faith. And no matter how hard we try to do what it is He commands us too, it seems we are only holding up our end of the deal. Dear Lord, please swoop down from Your mighty Heavens and save this tired daughter of yours before I throw in the towel and try flying solo.
(sorry this was so depressing! I just figure I am entitled to a little complaining once in a great while).
Don't give up! There is absolutely no reason to give up. The Lord doesn't give us any trial we are not strong enough to overcome. He will bless you for all that you have been through, he is always mindful of us and I know that he loves you. You are a daughter of God and your testimony is so strong! Remember that, and hold to the rod. There is always a rainbow after the storm, no matter how long the storm rages, there will be sun! I love you and your family so much, if there is anything I can do to help please let me know and I will try my hardest to assist you in anyway possible!
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