Dear Bug (Abigail),
The day your father and I found out you were blind we were crushed…I was lost. I couldn’t imagine a world without sight, a world in total darkness. I love the light. I love the setting sun, the rising moon, I love the soft candle light glow on a birthday cake; all these things bring me joy and happiness. I did not want to believe that you’d never, in this life time, get to experience these beautiful things. I cannot tell you how many nights I’ve cried in prayer trying to understand why this has happened to you. The warm smile on your face brings so much joy to my heart and it breaks it all the more, knowing you don’t see the same smile on my face.
Words to describe how I feel on a daily basis would be; anger, happiness, sadness, joy, exhaustion, disbelief and faithful. However, the word to tell you best how I feel is love. Abigail, I love you so much. You are such a beautiful and wonderful baby girl. You are always smiling and talking, I like to think you’re imagining what your father and I look like and you are picturing us as angels. It is only when you’re laughing for no reason; I begin to think you might be seeing us as funny looking clowns or make believe creatures. You are truly a sweet little girl.
I just want you to know, Abigail, that Heavenly Father does not make mistakes. Your blindness and what other problems may arise are how you’re meant to be. He knows what you can handle and if you could not rise above this challenge, He’d not have sent you to us this way. You have a purpose honey, whether it’s to touch peoples’ lives, or to be a tool for a miracle, He has a plan for you. Even now, as I feel your little brother kicking and squirming in my womb, I know that you’ll be the perfect big sister for years to come.
This world is such a glorious place to look at, but you’re going to have such an advantage over those of us with sight. You’ll enjoy things we take for granted such as taste, smell and touch. Now, as an infant, the smell of my perfume causes you to nestle deep into my arms for comfort; the touch of your father’s five o’clock shadow lets you know he’s there and brings a smile to your face and the sounds of our voices rock you to sleep. You are definitely not what we imagined you would be like. No, my sweet daughter, you are so much more. You are a tender and sweet spirit sent to love and to teach us, your young mother and father, things we would never have learned without you in our lives.
Abigail, I promise to be your eyes for as long as needed. I’ll be there to capture every moment for you and to describe in best detail how everything looks. However, you will have to learn and it will be hard. I pray that you’ll overcome this trial in your life and that you will learn to use it for good. I hope that you will not always depend on me to be your eyes and that you will do your best to live in this world and go to college and have a family. Your life is only going to be as normal as you choose it to be.
I know it will be years down the road before you read this letter and fully understand it. Hopefully it’ll fill you with hope, joy and ambition. I pray for a miracle… that maybe, just maybe one day you’ll see. However, for now, you are miracle enough for me. I love you with all my heart and my only wish right now is that you’ll always know how much I love you.
Love,
Mom
