Family of 5...Busy as Bees in a Hive

 Shelby Wanda Lee 2 Months

Abigail Cindy Lee 2.5 Years

Bronco Allan-Bryant Lee 22 Months


My three babies :) All close in weight and height. And there isn't a doubt in the world that these three are related. 

While I was pregnant with Shelby, I was constantly depressed and worried.  I did not think we were ready for a third baby.  I racked my brain daily, we were so careful and were confidant we were done having children for a while. I hated myself for the feelings I was having.  Night after night I would cry to my husband, "I can't do this, I'm not ready for this." I even went as far as to tell him I absolutely did not want this baby.  Those of you who read this and are shocked, because who would not want a little piece of heaven? Who would say such things about their own baby? Walk a day in my shoes and you'll more than understand. 

Our daughter Abigail is blind, with special needs. She sleeps about 6 hours a day, and only sleeps at night one week a month. She doesn't eat. Her diet consist of Vitamin D Milk, crackers, and Cheerios. If she gets sick she always ends up in the hospital, loses mass amounts of weight and it takes months to get her weight back up. She is learning to walk with assistance now, and has made great strides in her desire to 

learn, but the constant stress and worry is ever present. 

Our son Bronco is a busy 20month-old.  He hasn't sat still since the day he was born.  Although he is always well behaved and sweet, the slightest sound he makes sets Abby into a meltdown of screaming and crying, that can last half a day. Most my days consisted of calming her down, trying to be patient with my son, and keeping my sanity intact. So naturally when I found out we were expecting our third, I felt sick and betrayed by Heavenly Father. How on EARTH did He expect me to raise 3 children so close together?

When we had the 20 week ultrasound I felt like everything had changed for me. I felt as if Heavenly Father told me all would be well. And for a short period of time, I believed it. But the days that would follow shortly after and the trials that came each passing week clouded that revelation. And soon I was back to the discouraging thoughts and many nights crying myself to sleep.  I kept all this in and to myself for the next 5 months.  I did not want my husband to worry, friends and family wouldn't be able to understand and Heavenly Father seemed further from me than I've ever felt. So, I felt, for the first time in a long time, truly, truly alone. 

When Shelby came into this world 12:40 pm, May 29th, 2012 I instantly loved her; her tiny hands, feet smile, and spirit. And when the doctors and nurses had all left, my husband had taken our Abby to her grandma's, I was left alone with our little angel. We had yet to pick out a name for her. As I lay there holding my baby, panic gripped and churned my stomach. I tried not to cry as all the feeling of doubt in myself and ability to take care of 3 babies came crashing down at once.  

Then magic happened. I heard a still small voice, whisper with a profound loudness only intended for my spirit to hear "LeAndra, this is Shelby." 

Tears cascaded down my face, my heart beat slowly but with purpose, and I knew. 

I knew in that very moment, that Heavenly Father had a plan all along.  When we were pregnant with Abby, we were 100% positive she would be named Shelby. Yet, when she was born, and placed in my arms, I immediately wanted to call her "Abigail". I could not understand where this strong desire to call our "Shelby", Abby, Abigail and even Abby Bug (names I called her once we were home) had come from. 

Soon my husband followed suit, and we found ourselves changing her name from Shelby Wanda Lee to Abigail Cindy Lee. So, on that sweet Tuesday afternoon, May 29th 2012. When Heavenly Father revealed our new babies name, suddenly it all made sense. My Father in Heaven, KNEW three years before me, that we would have this little angel enter our lives.  He KNEW who she was, and would be. And He has faith in me, as his daughter, to guide and love his 3 precious spirits. 

I know now, of surety that Heavenly Father has a planned every moment in our lives.  He knows what we can handle, and will stand by us so long as we stand by Him.