Just a note

I just wanted to let ya'll know that I am NOT unhappy with my life.  I love my children dearly, I could not have asked for a better husband and I know that being with them is worth all the hardship.  I am merely frustrated with the fact that we have been stuck in the same situation for almost three years now.

I applied for a job today. It pays $15.00/h with benefits. Their main criteria was a fun, outgoing person to assist customers and answer the phone lines when the  original medical receptionists are swamped.  It's 32 hours a week and is a perfect environment for me to work in. Jon's job starts in April, but it pays just enough to pay rent and bills.  The hours are frustrating and he has to work Sundays no questions asked. So this job I applied for today is definitely, without question, a better option for our growing family.

I am sorry I unloaded on everyone today.  I don't like to appear so vulnerable but even the most capable people have their moments.  Thanks for listening! 

Why?

 I have had a lot of unhappiness in my life and I have not complained.  I persevered through years of horrific abuse and living circumstances. I triumphed over a broken heart and defeated the odds.  I got married and we are doing what a lot of people didn't believe we could. And on top of all that ( and every thing else I have omitted) my daughter was born blind.  And I have my off days and my good days.

My off days consist of a lot of crying, dazed stares and frustration.  I get angry at God for all my misfortunes and most of all hate Him for not saving Abby's sight.  My good days consist of me telling myself over and over that God has a plan for my family and it will soon unfold.  I smile and am patient that God will one day restore Abby's sight.  But my good days are becoming few and fewer.  When will the never ending circle of hurt, frustration and us never getting anywhere end?

I see all my brothers and sisters flourishing, in their careers, in their homes and living without the fear. Fear of never knowing if one month you'll have enough money to make rent or getting another phone call that says you're going to be evicted if your rent isn't in. I am not bitter for them I am happy for them.  I rejoice for them.  I am just past the point of waiting on God to help.

I fear I am losing my faith. And no matter how hard we try to do what it is He commands us too, it seems we are only holding up our end of the deal. Dear Lord, please swoop down from Your mighty Heavens and save this tired daughter of yours before I throw in the towel and try flying solo.

(sorry this was so depressing! I just figure I am entitled to a little complaining once in a great while). 

I'm Like Butter! I'm on a Roll! ( a not so good roll)

I am one of those people who probably should have sticky notes plastered ALL over my house, my face and whatever else I might need. Here are several reasons why but will only share three tonight. I call this one NOTE TO SELF :)

Note To Self:

1) Eyeliner is NOT Lip Liner!
      - One Sunday morning, after a long night of up and downs with Abby, I barely made it out of bed to get ready for church.  Hubby and the kids were sound asleep and I needed to be dressed and reved to go before I got them up and ready (yes I had to dress and feed all THREE babies). :-)  My hair was done, I was dressed and putting on my makeup.  I was all done and I couldn't understand why I looked soooo weird! Well I had bright red lip liner on my eyes and pitch black eyeliner on my lips! Needless to say I washed it off before Jon woke up so he couldn't tease me. And now that he knows about it (two months later) I am sure I will never live this one down!

2) Desitin is NOT Tooth paste!
      - I had left a tube of Desitin in the bathroom from Abby's bath the night before. Then next morning when I brushed my teeth I couldn't figure out why my toothpaste was incredibly bland... It's a good thing I had just started and was able to correct my mistake as I noticed the butt cream next to my paste.

3)  DO NOT turn on the washing machine prior to taking a shower!
     - I started a large load of laundry and a few minutes later hopped in the shower. It should never feel like Christmas in your shower... never. Oh and to make matters worse I told Jon he needed to take a shower and suffer what I had suffered. But by then the water had turned back to a Florida warm springs. Ug

HAHAHA! That's so Funny!

Okay, so I figure that I am too serious of a person and need to lighten up. I say this because a friend recently told me every post write makes her cry.  Yes sometimes they are happy tears, sad tears and so on, however I don't like the thought of me being this person that makes people cry.  My husband informed me last night that I am the funniest person he has ever met.  So I decided I am going to do stand up comedy....

Seriously, I SO hope you did not believe that! I would die up there on stage. But, I am going to lighten the moods of my post and vary the type of atmosphere they create.  I am also going to focus on motherhood; the up and downs, funny and frustrating moments.  If you like my emotional, inspiring side don't worry I still will post the big moments that turn my heart and yours. :-)

It's Me World!

Okay, so today I was suppose to have a friend over for a play date. But then I needed to go with Jon to the local DMV to get new DL's so we both can drive legally, because apparently it's illegal to drive without one. I know annoying right?

 We didn't get back until like 5:00 pm and then both kids wanted to eat and sleep.  After they were taking unavoidable late naps we had dinner and before I knew it it was time for American Idol. I enjoyed most of it but then my hubby and I got into a little spat and from then on out I couldn't really enjoy it. He decided he was really grumpy and needed a late nap too. So for awhile it was just me... okay for a while I mean like five minutes because I had to wake up Abigail and Bronco so they wouldn't stay up incredibly late tonight.

After which Bronco decided he was hungry and was doing everything he could to make me hurry as fast as possible to GET HIS BOTTLE made!I made his bottle and in two minutes it was gone and Abby and him played contently on the floor.

Jon woke up and we made up. It's no fun fighting... I'm still kind of mad because I didn't get to enjoy American Idol! ;) HOWEVER!!! My dear Casey Abrhams went through!

On top of all that I lost my phone when we got home and I just found it and discovered I had like four missed calls. Bummer.  I never keep track of anything.  I can always find myself if I look in the mirror but that's about it.

On the flip side the kids are getting fatter! Bronco doesn't really need to keep growing but I hear the chunkier the better! Abby though, really needs to put back on the weight.  Her cheeks are getting chubby again and she's getting some rolls on her arms.  Next stop is her belly!!

Also, right now Jon is sitting with Abs on the floor telling her over and over again how gorgeous she is and she just smiles wide. Now he's trying to get her to say "mama"... every time he says my name she growls, or making tooting noise with her lips.  I can't be jealous she calls Jon dada because I get all the kisses!
Yup! That's right she only gives me kisses and no one else! :)

Well, I just felt like blabbering a little bit.  When you're a mother of two little ones, with no social life you forget what it's like to have a conversation.  Once my visiting teacher came to visit me (of course) I talked and talked and she barely got a word in edge wise.  I was even trying to converse when she was going out the door. Jon finally shut the door because if I had my way I would have followed her to her apartment. haha Probably not that extreme but you catch my drift.

OH boy! I'm doing right now! Well, I'm officially saying goodbye!

ps Jon got a job that starts April 4th! Happy St Patricks Day!

My Itty Bitty Babies

So Sweet! I could just eat him up!

It's her party... and boy did she ever cry! 

Both my children have these lushes lips and lashes... a gift from daddy,
not my traits at all! :) 

Someone played a little too hard!

A perfect gift from Grandma Johnson!

Just an Itty Bitty Update !

I figure I best update my blog before I get a good chewin’ out from friends. Last night Jonny and I had Abigail’s big family b-day party… oh happy day. It just so happened that Abby decided that she was not going to nap ALL stinkin day and try to sleep at the boisterous, fun party… needless to say she was not a happy camper. It’s a good think her ADORABLE! cousins were more than willing to blow out her candle and open her gifts J  I learned a few things about my daughter that night: Uno, she DoEs Not LiKe VaNillA Ice cream (what a good girl)! Two, she is not a partier (this will come in handy when she’s in high school), and Tres she’s the most adorable grumpy baby in the whole world! Okay, so I guess I already knew that one, but it never gets old bragging about my children!

I notice that I make it seem that motherhood is a piece of cake for this mama. Yes, my children are perfectly content to play on their own, sleep the day away, and cuddle up to me (which makes all the bad melt away) but ya know, sometimes they give me a run for my money. Hard to believe huh?

For example, Abigail has decided that every time Bronco needs to eat or be held, she wants those things also. This morning, after her breakfast (a hearty bowl oatmeal, 8oz of milk, and a mum mum) Bronco was ready for some yummy milk. Dear Abby was absolutely set on eating too. So, I gave her some more food to eat… and I think her little tummy ache may have taught her a lesson. We’ll see soon enough. Oh and did I mention I was up at 4:30 this morning? I’m positive I even beat the morning rooster. 

Maybe the kids will nap and I’ll get some sleep! Yeah, right! I can dream can’t I?