Press on With Faith!

April has come and gone. Almost too quickly.  April is commonly known as Autism Awareness Month. It is also National Child Abuse Awareness Month.  Both of those causes are so close to our hearts in the Lee family. When our little Abby was born, almost 4 years ago, we felt as if perfect had just been born.

She was an unusual newborn. She slept through the night, never cried and smiled. Genuinely smiled on a regular basis. When Abby was around 3 Months old I began to worry that she wasn't looking at us enough. She didn't seem to notice when things were placed in front of her face. On her next doctor appointment (I was 6 weeks pregnant with our second by then) we brought up our concerns to her doctor. He simply stated her eye movements and contact might be a tad delayed. He looked into her bright blue eyes and told us there was nothing to worry about.

At four months old my spirit was telling me that something was terribly wrong. I made a doctor appointment for her. Still her pediatrician couldn't see a thing wrong. He did admit that she wasn't reacting to things like she should.  He quickly referred her to a pediatric eye doctor. The appointment was set for two weeks later. Those two weeks were grueling. We had just spent around 200 dollars on visual stimulating toys as suggested by her doctor. As her appointment drew nearer Heavenly Father started to work with me. It was surreal how well my heart was listening to His still mall voice. A day didn't go by where I heard small whisperings' of what was to come; "She can't see the toys", "She can't see the lights" and then the day before her appointment, the hardest whispering to listen too "Abby is blind".

We got to the doctor, I could feel the anxiety in Jon's pulse as we held hands.  The doctor looked into Abby's eyes for a few minutes. She asked questions. We probably didn't even hear them, but somehow managed to answer. Abby's eye doctor got up and left the room.  We knew that was not a good sign. She came back. She looked at us, "Abby has Optic Nerve Hypoplasia. She is totally blind with no light perception." The next thing we remember hearing was that she would need a MRI because ONH often comes with other disabilities.

The MRI went the same way.  I was 3 months pregnant by then, Abby was 5 months old. We were praying and pleading that her MRI would come back normal.  My heart cried a thousand tears as I saw our baby strapped and bound to the table. I couldn't go back with her because of the pregnancy. Jon stayed with me and we waited. Two hours passed and I heard my little girl through two sets of double doors. Jon assured me that it probably wasn't her. I got up and started walking through the doors. Sure enough our Abby was done with her MRI and being wheeled out. I KNEW her even down to her tiniest noises.

Abby woke up shortly after we got back to her room. She was giggling and playing. The nurses were dumbfounded. Babies who come of sedation like that are normally lethargic after for at least a few hours. That's when I knew my girl was a fighter.

The two weeks waiting for her MRI results were grueling. The results came in and we had to meet with a neurologist to hear them.  We were told that Abby had what's called Septo Optic Dysplasia or SOD. The frontal lobe of Abby's brain never fused together. There is a gap, one pinky wide, between the right and left hemisphere of her brain. We also learned that her pituitary gland (the body's major gland that distributes growth hormone, signals of hunger and thirst) was so small it was missed on the first review of her MRI results. We were told this would present issues especially when she hit puberty.

During all of this bad news, I often reflected on the dream I had when Jon and I were still newly weds. My grandfather Roger Johnson was standing about 15 feet away from me.  A little girl with the bluest eyes was holding his hand. He told me this : "Our Father is sending this special spirit to you. Watch over her as I've watched over you". I woke Jonathan up after I awoke and told him that we were going to have a little girl. He looked at me perplexed...I wasn't even pregnant. One month later two little pink lines proved us both wrong.

A year after Abby's diagnosis we learned that Autism was a huge factor in children with Abby's disability. In fact, that she too, had Autism. So not only is our daughter blind, she has growth hormone problems, a sleeping disability, and Autism.

We have struggled immensely with all of these. Abby has struggled beyond belief  She's faced numerous trips to the hospital, rapid weight loss, the inability to communicate with us, sleep deprivation, and much more. Through hard work and CONSISTENCY Abigail is now eating more regularly  sleeping at night, learning new words each day and learning to walk. Although we know, that any moment, for reasons beyond us, she could stop any one or more of these things, we press on with faith.

We still have many more trials to face as Abby grows older and parts of her disabilities to face that aren't present for years to come. All of continue to learn and grow and make progress along with Abigail.  I can't imagine being blind and Autistic at the same time. What fears and frustrations she must have!

Yet I know, that if I watch over her and be her constant guide that she'll always have love and comfort.
For parents who have children with Abby's disabilities my advice is to be consistent and have faith.  Through God all things are possible, but only through faith and diligence are those things accomplished. 

Family of 5...Busy as Bees in a Hive

 Shelby Wanda Lee 2 Months

Abigail Cindy Lee 2.5 Years

Bronco Allan-Bryant Lee 22 Months


My three babies :) All close in weight and height. And there isn't a doubt in the world that these three are related. 

While I was pregnant with Shelby, I was constantly depressed and worried.  I did not think we were ready for a third baby.  I racked my brain daily, we were so careful and were confidant we were done having children for a while. I hated myself for the feelings I was having.  Night after night I would cry to my husband, "I can't do this, I'm not ready for this." I even went as far as to tell him I absolutely did not want this baby.  Those of you who read this and are shocked, because who would not want a little piece of heaven? Who would say such things about their own baby? Walk a day in my shoes and you'll more than understand. 

Our daughter Abigail is blind, with special needs. She sleeps about 6 hours a day, and only sleeps at night one week a month. She doesn't eat. Her diet consist of Vitamin D Milk, crackers, and Cheerios. If she gets sick she always ends up in the hospital, loses mass amounts of weight and it takes months to get her weight back up. She is learning to walk with assistance now, and has made great strides in her desire to 

learn, but the constant stress and worry is ever present. 

Our son Bronco is a busy 20month-old.  He hasn't sat still since the day he was born.  Although he is always well behaved and sweet, the slightest sound he makes sets Abby into a meltdown of screaming and crying, that can last half a day. Most my days consisted of calming her down, trying to be patient with my son, and keeping my sanity intact. So naturally when I found out we were expecting our third, I felt sick and betrayed by Heavenly Father. How on EARTH did He expect me to raise 3 children so close together?

When we had the 20 week ultrasound I felt like everything had changed for me. I felt as if Heavenly Father told me all would be well. And for a short period of time, I believed it. But the days that would follow shortly after and the trials that came each passing week clouded that revelation. And soon I was back to the discouraging thoughts and many nights crying myself to sleep.  I kept all this in and to myself for the next 5 months.  I did not want my husband to worry, friends and family wouldn't be able to understand and Heavenly Father seemed further from me than I've ever felt. So, I felt, for the first time in a long time, truly, truly alone. 

When Shelby came into this world 12:40 pm, May 29th, 2012 I instantly loved her; her tiny hands, feet smile, and spirit. And when the doctors and nurses had all left, my husband had taken our Abby to her grandma's, I was left alone with our little angel. We had yet to pick out a name for her. As I lay there holding my baby, panic gripped and churned my stomach. I tried not to cry as all the feeling of doubt in myself and ability to take care of 3 babies came crashing down at once.  

Then magic happened. I heard a still small voice, whisper with a profound loudness only intended for my spirit to hear "LeAndra, this is Shelby." 

Tears cascaded down my face, my heart beat slowly but with purpose, and I knew. 

I knew in that very moment, that Heavenly Father had a plan all along.  When we were pregnant with Abby, we were 100% positive she would be named Shelby. Yet, when she was born, and placed in my arms, I immediately wanted to call her "Abigail". I could not understand where this strong desire to call our "Shelby", Abby, Abigail and even Abby Bug (names I called her once we were home) had come from. 

Soon my husband followed suit, and we found ourselves changing her name from Shelby Wanda Lee to Abigail Cindy Lee. So, on that sweet Tuesday afternoon, May 29th 2012. When Heavenly Father revealed our new babies name, suddenly it all made sense. My Father in Heaven, KNEW three years before me, that we would have this little angel enter our lives.  He KNEW who she was, and would be. And He has faith in me, as his daughter, to guide and love his 3 precious spirits. 

I know now, of surety that Heavenly Father has a planned every moment in our lives.  He knows what we can handle, and will stand by us so long as we stand by Him. 

The Weight Comes Off June 6

When I first found out that I was expecting our third child, I was devastated.  My oldest of two was just turning 2, and I did not feel ready. On top of that, I had finally lost all my baby weight from my second pregnancy. And I was afraid I would lose all the progress I had made in my body and confidence. In April of 2011 I started working out on a regular basis, at first I would just walk for 30 mins every morning, then I began jogging and by the end of the month I was running 7 miles every morning.  But that wasn't the only change to my lifestyle. I also made just a few dietary changes.

I am a person who loves to cook and did not want to take away my favorite foods. So I added six simple foods/drinks to my diet and within the first week the pounds started falling off.

1) Kellogg's Special K Cereal

•      If I ever had a sweet tooth instead of reaching for candy or leftover dessert I had a bowl of Special K.  I measured out the exact serving, plus a cup of Almond Breeze Milk.  If I needed some chocolate, I'd add a handful of mini-semi sweet dark chocolate, chocolate chips. 

2) Peanut Butter

•  For breakfast every morning I had a strawberry/banana shake, no added sugars and toast.  But when I wanted something more solid I made just the toast, spread a teaspoon of peanut butter on it, and banana slices on top.  This breakfast was 130 calories, very filling and the peanut butter gave my metabolism the jump start I needed to burn calories on my walks. 

3) Almond Milk

• Instead of skim milk (which taste gross), I drank Almond Milk.  One serving is 60 calories and it taste amazing. My preferred brand is Blue Diamond.  I used it my cereals, with my snacks, and in my baking. I felt awesome and energetic. I loved that I could enjoy my favorite foods and cereals and be losing weight at the same time. 

4) Country Time on the Go Lemonade 

• When I was craving something more than just milk and water, I went for lemonade. I always have bottled water handy in my fridge and just one of these 35 calorie packets quenched my thirst. I found I drank less soda, Gatorade, and juices high in sugar, when I had at least 2 a day. 

5)  Celestial Seasonings Wellness Teas (Sleepytime Extra)

• I LOVE these caffeine free teas! As a busy wife and mother, you'd think I'd pass out as my head hit the pillow, but I always struggled relaxing.  I found that if I drank a hot cup of Sleepytime Extra ten minutes before bed, while listening to soft music I fell asleep faster and slept better at night.  It is almost impossible to lose weight, if your body isn't getting the rest it needs to do the work.  Once I started sleeping better I saw an extra to 2 pounds drop at the end of my week.

6) Benefiber 

• This FINAL step gave my body the final, gentle push (no pun intended), it needed to keep losing weight and keep it off.  The best part? It is ACTUALLY, TRULY tasteless :) Just 2 tablespoons is only 15 calories and I added it to EVERYTHING!!!! Water, juice, cereal, in my baking, in my pudding, and it help to clean my colon.  On average a person holds 4-6 pounds of fecal waste in their system. And due to our inconsistent, fatty American diets, we get backed up and lose precious energy needed to work our body.  I always had problems going # 2 and I didn't realize how much it actually affected my body until I used Benefiber.  I became more regular, had more energy and felt skinnier.  Adding this final step with the others and walking/running daily, I lost on average 10-12 lbs a month. 

I cannot wait until I have our little Jaymee, so I can begin this diet again. I have been able to keep up some of the aspects, and have only gained 23 lbs this pregnancy. There is nothing quite like being healthy, feeling clean, and having confidence.  It makes a person happier,  more pleasant to be around and raises your self worth. I'll have to take before and after pictures right after the baby comes and as I lose weight again, so I can show you all how well this system actually works :) 

xoxoxo Mrs Lee

A Dress, A Dream and some Draperies

So I am pretty darn excited! As some of you know, we are moving into our first "house" at the end of the month.  My parents are renting out the home they fixed up for my older sis Karalee (who is now engaged to be married).

  ps (I apologize for any typos, my children have attacked my 

key board and various keys are sticking or missing)

I have been busy busy dreaming up how I am going to decorate rooms and make it our home. Thus far I have gotten Abigail's room pretty much down pat :) Bronco's room is going to be a Boise State room.  I have this tall book case shaped like a boat from my mom.  I am going to paint it blue and orange, take out a shelf, put in a cushsion and lay it on the floor for a reading boat! I will post pics once I get that project started. 

I am a HUGE fan of consignment and resale stores. I get the majority of my children's clothes from my favorite local store Kidz Again. I always get quality, most the time new, clothes for amazing prices.  Anyway, I found the most adorable dress for Abigail there, and fell in love with the colors.  I decided I would do her room to match that dress. 

The Dress :)

The colors are adorable, this picture doesn't even begin to do it justice! And because Abby's room will house a desk for my office/writing space I had to find a chair to match...

The darling back! found on www.craigslist.com

I saw the chair and fell in love! It was amazing to see how well it matched (the above picture is a little saturated).

The desk to go in front of the sliding glass door :)

That's about all I can share with you until we're moved in and starting all the fun! I am going to take care of my little missy and work on more ideas! I am excited!

I don't know how I do it...

Being a mother is more challenging than anything I have ever had to do in my life. My 2 year old is disabled (requiring much attention), my 1 year old can run and destroy faster than my pregnant elephant legs can keep up with him, and the little angel growing inside me keeps me up at night with heartburn and swift kicks to my rib-cage. I can go days without fixing my hair (ponytails are my specialty)...seriously I wore my hair in a ponytail for so long, when I finally had time to let it down, fix it up, it had grown almost 4 inches! Laundry gets done based on when Abby decides to let us sleep, dinner gets made when Bronco decides to let me clean, and taking a bubble bath... wait...what's that?! hahaha I feel like everyday is a battle just to breathe, but for some reason at the end of the day, Mister Lee looks into my eyes, gives me a famous JonHug and expresses his deep appreciation and love for my "hard work".  He always says "I don't know how you do it".  hahaha well handsome husband, neither do I.

All I can tell you is this: I do my best.  I do my best to love my children, not resent my housework, and love on my husband.  Being a mother and a wife is self-sacrifice, it is forgetting yourself so those you love always remember your influence and kindness.  But how can we be great wives and mothers if we truly FORGET ourselves and who we are??  I had my first Fast Sunday in over a year last week, and was able to share my testimony.  Heavenly Father reminded me who I was that day, and I felt for the first time, that it's O-K-A-Y for me to take some time for myself.

 It's okay to dump a whole bottle of bubble bath into the bath, put on my favorite CD and relax in the candle light while hubby does the dishes.

It is OK to indulge in a girl's night out.

It is OK to get myself an ice cream treat after grocery shopping.

It is OKAY, to LOVE myself and to let others see that love in me.

I don't know how I make it day to day, I don't know how I am going to make with three babies in diapers, but I know that I have the world's best husband by my side and the greatest Father listening and guiding me as I need Him.

:) Just had to get that off my chest

xoxoxo Mrs Lee

First Battle of 2012

Well ya'll, many of you know by now that we are expecting baby number 3.  This pregnancy was 100% unexpected and for quite sometime unwanted.  I struggled for weeks with the idea of one more mouth to feed, the fear of having another disabled baby, and yet another strain on my heart, mind and body. Countless nights, I would lay crying in my husband's arms begging him for answers he couldn't give.  Why?  Why? Why? Why another baby, in a time where we have struggled the most in 3 years?

I had never been in a darker place, I prayed nightly for Heavenly Father to take HIS baby back. We couldn't handle this right now, and the further along the pregnancy I got, the more I resented the being growing inside my womb. I would try to be excited, chatting with sisters and friends who were also expecting. Tossing around name ideas, gender guessing games etc. But, at the end of the day, I was left feeling empty and alone.  

Then Tuesday we had the ultra sound. I went in at about 17.5 weeks.  We weren't able to find a sitter for the kiddos and ended up bringing them with us. We had to wake Abby from bed to go, and Bronco missed his nap.  Needless to say they were far from happy and all I could dwell on was adding one more kid to this chaos. An hour went by without our children letting up, and I felt tears begging to fall. 

I couldn't do it, I couldn't be a mother to 3. I said a prayer in my heart, but this time I didn't ask for understanding, I asked for peace. I implored my Father in Heaven to bring peace to my heart, so that it would be open for understanding. Within moments the whole atmosphere in the room changed. I watched Abby quietly listened to music, and Bronco giggling and flirting with the tech, distracting her from her work. And my Mr Lee, lovingly tending to them, as I lay there. I looked at the monitor, and was surprised to feel excitement as I counted 10 little toes and 10 little fingers.  My anticipation started to grow, was it a girl or boy? 

The ultrasound tech, informed us we were having another baby girl.  I watched our new little girl move around, playing with her hands and avoiding the camera at all costs.  We found out I was actually 20 weeks along and due June 15. All the way home I dumbfounded Mr Lee as I excitedly talked about buying a little outfit for our June Bug. 

That night, as I lay in bed feeling my daughter move inside me, I cried silently. This time, because I was ashamed I had ever thought of her as a burden. The pain I felt weeks prior to that day, was now a distant memory, fading even more the closer I got to falling asleep.  Now, I can't even imagine ever not having her soon to be in our lives.  I am grateful to God, for the peace He instilled in my heart, and now pray that he gives me the strength to be the great mother, He obviously thinks I am. 

I love this crazy, tragic, almost magic, wonderful life :)

Wow, my last post was before Christmas...I had a little Christmas story to post through out December, however we cancelled our internet to cut some expenses.  Let me tell you those two months without blogging have been...well for lack of a better word DUMB! So I bet you're wondering what I've been up to since then, probably too much or not enough. My kids got cuter (I know, hard to imagine huh?) :)

 Abby just keeps getting bigger :) 

 Bronco is now a walking, running, talking, demands his picture gets taken machine :)

 Abby still sleeps when the rest of us are awake.

 Oh ya, we cut little Buddy's hair...it grew back though!

 Abby's smile still makes the room light up :)

And Bronco get's Asian eyes every time his chubby cheeks smile 

(notice everything he's strung out in the back ground)

Jon's still working his bum off to take care off us, but we have a feeling that Heavenly Father is about to bless us immensely!!! That's really all that's taken place...haha, we're real eventful people, let me tell ya! Anyway, I hope every one is having a great new year, Valentines Day is almost here, can't wait to celebrate with my hubby of 3 years!

xoxoxo Me